Right now I’m in a class that’s designed to help restructure negative beliefs and stories around food and body image. It’s not necessarily designed to help with weight loss, but weight loss usually accompanies the kind of inner work that has us being kinder to ourselves, loving ourselves, giving compassion to ourselves, and writing new, positive, healthy beliefs around food and our bodies. Why? Because that’s the light. And we were created in the Light, for the Light, by the Light. So we are returning to more of our true nature, our relationship with God as creations of God, as expressions of Divine power and Love.
But although I love writing about that, about exploring and getting back to who we truly are, that’s not what this blog post is about.
This blog post is about something that came up in our class last night – the instructor was speaking to us about abundance. Abundance is more than just money, although money is the first thing people think of when they hear the words “abundance” and “prosperity.” Abundance and prosperity are actually just words for the flow of positive energy, the flow of our natural life force. And our instructor in this class was saying that if you look at your relationship with food, you can almost always predict the overall state of other areas of your life, like your relationship with money, your overall relationship statuses with your closest loved ones/friends, and your relationship with receiving.
As I took that in, it hit me like a ton of bricks. That’s 1000% true for me. My unhealthy and negative stories, narratives, patterns, and habits around food are very much reflections of my relationships, my ability to receive, and my relationship with money. With food I am anxious, controlling, judgmental, ashamed, guilty, obsessing, and coming from a lack-based perspective.
In my relationships, I tend to be an over-giver and under-receiver, not taking what I need and giving waaaay too much because I have this belief that I have to earn love, that I am not worthy of love, and no matter what I give or do to earn it – I can never really do that. I am sometimes very difficult to get close to because I am used to having to find my own way and regulate my own emotions – not used to going to people, asking them for help or affection or whatever else I need emotionally. Because if I take from them, they will start seeing me as a bother, as someone unworthy of their time and attention. I tend to shy away from others if they are upset, because there’s still a part of me that immediately assumes that I am the cause of the upset, or that I have to fix it in order to be worthy of being in the family or the friendship.
With money, I tend to be focused on what I don’t have instead of what I do have, perpetually thinking that I can’t better my situation and that money is the sole definition of success in my life. I don’t allow myself to find new opportunities because I don’t think I’m worth much and again have trouble going after what I need.
This was quite eye-opening for me, a moment of real clarity. I’m already engaged in re-writing these beliefs, giving myself compassion and love, unraveling emotional responses, etc in order to improve my ability to receive and improve all these areas of my life – the areas that make us thrive as humans when they are in harmony.
The clarity from class makes it all seem so much easier – it doesn’t feel like such an incomprehensible, unmanageable mess because I’ve gotten that zoom-out, eagle-eye view of my life and what’s keeping me from the life I really want to live, the way I really want to live it and feel in it, and BE in it.
And I am grateful.